out of the ashes

Sunday, May 22, 2011

A Message To Mary

Hi Mare!

Nope...wasn't the end of the world last night. That preacher got it wrong. But it WAS something.

I'm writing this message to you on St. Peter's laptop. Yeah. Oh, you're laughing? Well, hold on. "They" were swamped up here with statistics; keeping track of all us humans down there, so Jesus finally told Peter to go ahead and buy the biggest damned computer he could find (He didn't use that one word, lol). St. Peter was beside himself with joy and thanksgiving, he told me when they delivered me last night.
We had a nice chat for a while, him and me. He's a pretty neat guy.
He had to lay off ten million workers after half a dozen angels lugged the monstrous mainframe up here. That was the bad thing; all those now out-of-work souls. But they were able to re-assign them to the War Department, at least temporarily. He said--and I kind of have to agree--that he wasn't sure how good they'd be there, having been stuck behind their cushy desks all those thousands of years. Soft and flabby. Lucifer's guys didn't keep records like they do here, so all his lackeys have been out in the trenches, mixing it up with the leaner, meaner 6th Army Our Father assigned to earth after Jesus came home in 32 B.C. (St. Peter HATES the new term, Before the Common Era). Oh...A.D. Sorry.

Huh?
Oh, he wants me to shake a leg and sign off. He loves hockey, he tells me, and wants to catch the Stanley Cup Playoffs on CNN Sports. I guess they're rebroadcasting it. He missed the live game. No TVs here. Weird. Maybe he'll let me watch American Idol with him next week. I hope the girl wins. Forget her name.
Anyway, I'll catch you later...and I'll see what I can do about getting you and your husband up here. Not sure why you missed the Rapture. I think his Windows crappy system screwed up. That's what I think. I mean, why in the name of all that's holy am I here, lol? Well, I am, and when they get a Mac and update the records--find out I was supposed to go down there, there'll be a real cat fight to get me to leave! They'll play hell kicking me out now. I expect to see you here pretty soon, though, and you'd better put in a good word for me with HIM:)
Say hi to all my friend's at Bookrix, okay?
I'll hang around Peter's office and after the game I'll see if I can use his laptop again:) I'll be talking to ya'. Hang tough.

Your feathery-winged friend,
Patrick

ps
He says I can call him Pete if I like. Ain't that cool? :) :) :) He and I are gonna' be real buddies!

1 comment:

  1. still gets a laugh the second read around! :)

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